The Weary Traveler's Rest

I felt completely helpless as I was informed by my physician that there were only days remaining. The shock was a blow to my head. I was spinning and confused. When I walked into my home I wondered why now! I wasn't ready to go yet. I thought of all my family and friends, which opened the floodgates of tears. I crawled into my bed and buried my head under the covers. The reality of dying was overwhelming. I didn't know whether to be mad or sad and did it matter? My mind swirled in thoughts and feelings as I drifted in and out of consciousness. I woke up in the morning, pulled the covers off my head and looked around the room. As was my routine, I got up and went to the kitchen to make coffee. Something had changed I thought, but what? I made coffee and when I picked up the pot of coffee the memory of the doctor's office came to me. The hot pot dropped to the floor smashing into pieces. I fell to my knees, then onto the floor. Life as I knew it was gone, over. Looking up, my entire life was before me. Moments of time in my life flooded my brain. From my childhood, to teenager and on, moments I hadn't thought of before were relived. The whole day passed by like a rerun movie. As the sun went down I got up and began picking up the pieces of the glass pot. It was good to focus on something else. After cleaning the floor I fell back into bed and slept deeply. When morning came again I crawled out of bed, sat in my favorite chair and stared out the window. The sunshine streaming in, warmed my face. So nice, the sunshine, I thought. Then I looked out at my favorite tree in the backyard. How many times I had looked at that tree. How precious each moment in life is. How wonderful it is to be alive and breathe, and enjoy. I wanted to hold onto life forever and never let go. It's amazing, the worth of something when it's gone. How good the sunshine is after a cold night. How good the journey is. How even one day of life is better than none. My mind became thankful for what had been given to me. With thankfulness came peace and then happiness. No more wanting more, just appreciation for what had been. Memories of all that I was given, my family, my friends, my experiences, gave me joy in this newfound state of mind. I looked down the long winding road I had traveled as if I was high above turning pages. Now I cared only about what really mattered. I could see the times that changed me, taught me the most. All of it had purpose. My imperfection was perfect because it taught me what I needed to learn. My life was perfectly imperfect. Life made me grow and now more than ever. I had no guilt or pride at this point. I didn't matter. Life wasn't all about me anymore but something bigger, much more wonderful, that I was a part of. Then I remembered when life closes a door it opens a door. So there may be a new road for me, I thought. My body was fading but my soul felt young and alive. Such a wonderful thing, life. The sun still on my face was so nice and comforting. I wondered why I was given life? A loving gift, I mused. I couldn't think of anything more loving, really. I took a deep breath and smiled. Love, I thought, is there anything that exists better? All the people I loved, I would do anything I could for them. They would do the same for me. Life gave me love. Love gave me life. How simple. There was no better feeling than to feel loved. It became evident to me that life must come from a place of love. Was there a greater purpose than love? If I came from love I must go back to love. That would be nice, I said out loud. I smiled and drifted away in the warmth of those thoughts. After awhile the sun went down. I tried to get up out of my chair but couldn't. I was completely humbled. My eyes couldn't see anymore but I could see love was there with me, always on my side. I could see love cared for me. Love was my warmth in the cold. Love was light for me in the dark. Love was my comfort. Love understood me. Love forgave me, washed me clean. Love gave me strength. Love gave me purpose and never ending meaning. I was filled with hope. I could see love taking me to my long awaited home. I was at peace and overflowing with joy. Love would always be with me. Love's goodness gave my soul goodness. Now in love's brilliant light I had no fear, only the kindness of love.